Is it just me, or is there something seriously wrong with this picture?

posted by Jenny at 11:39 PM |

I attended my first Christmas party of the season last night, and we had a white elephant gift exchange with sixty-some people. Seeing as we're all college students, most of the stuff posing as "gifts" is junk scrounged up from the corners of dorm rooms at the last minute: Ramen, turkey shaped salt and pepper shakers, free samples of hair products, the works! Me, I've always had pretty good luck, surprisingly. Last year I got a clean, brand new t-shirt that I actually love and wear all the time; this year I was the lucky recipient of a copy of The Little Book of Christmas Joys: 432 things to do for yourself and others that just might make this the best Christmas ever by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Nyuck nyuck nyuck. Now, before you call me Ebeneezer Scrooge or jump all over my my seeming lack of Christmas spirit, let me just say that Christmas is far and away my favorite holiday and the source of some of my best memories. But these are just plain bad. Allow me to share a few of my favorites:

- Place your children's stuffed animals under the tree as a welcoming committee for Santa. I'm sure all the kids will feel great when they go to hug Mr. Snuggles and he's full of pine needles and tree sap.

- Buy a pair of red flannel pajamas that you only wear on Christmas Eve. Red flannel...dang sexy.

- Let go of a problem you can't solve. Enjoy the season. If we could do that so easily, it would be Christmas year-round.

- Bake Christmas cookies while a Johnny Mathis Christmas album plays in the background. Good idea, Suzy Homemaker.

- Wear a smile and a Santa hat when you walk through the mall. Sure, if you want to get kicked.

- Have a special place to display the Christmas card from the farthest distance away. Uh...what?

- Rent a Santa Claus suit. Slip it on during your lunch hour and hand out candy canes to everyone in the office. No, thanks, I happen to like my job.

- Don't get your spouse a bathroom scale. Offer up another lame idea, and I'll get YOU a bathroom scale.

- Sleep under a homemade quilt on Christmas Eve. Yep, all snuggled up with my red flannel pajamas.

- Give your place in the gift-wrapping line to someone who looks as if she's had a hard day. Yes, well, haven't we all?

- Put Christmas lights and a small wreath on the dog house. Dear God, NO. Just...no.

- Ask the oldest married man and the youngest married woman to pull the Christmas turkey wishbone. What the--?

- Order and pay for a pizza for a neighbor; ask the delivery person to tell them it's from Santa. Santa is dead, remember?

- Try to finish your Christmas shopping by December 10, and try to have all Christmas packages mailed by December 12th. Thank you, Martha Stewart.

- Whistle "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" in the shower. Hmm...kinky.

- When you're with a child and see a blinking red light in the sky, ask her, "Do you think that could be Rudolph?" Look, it is! And he just crashed into the side of that DC-10.

- Throughout the holiday season, give your family the gift of a sweet disposition. Great! My shopping is already done.

- Replace your shoelaces with a red one and a green one. Check. Wow, they look great with my Santa hat.

- Never give a gift that's not nicely wrapped. Poor Jackson would have passed out at our gathering last night.

- Throw restraint to the wind. Christmas is the one time of year when bigger is better and gaudy is good. So you've shown us.

- Be others-centered instead of self-centered. A person wrapped up in himself makes a very small package. Those are wise words, indeed.

Hmm, I got a bit carried away. Ah, well, I'm just doing my part to help spread the Christmas joy. I'm off to the mall now to buy myself a pair of red flannel pajamas.
posted by Jenny at 11:55 PM |

Hey, dudes and dudettes...as long as you're here, trot on over to On Life in a Mirror and check out my good friend Janna's blog. It is groovy, trust me.
posted by Jenny at 3:02 PM |

SCREW Jane Austen...I'm never reading one of her novels again! That whole class can bite me. You go tell the professor I said so.
posted by Jenny at 12:48 PM |

Just realized I am twenty-one-and-a-half today. Happy half birthday to me. :-P
posted by Jenny at 8:16 PM |

From: Lochner-Wright, Cheryl B.
To: Anderson, Jennifer
Subject: Winchester

Hi Jennifer--I wanted to let you know that we did have some spaces open on the Winchester program, so if you prefer Winchester to Lancaster, you do have the opportunity to switch. If you would like to do this, please e-mail me by Monday, December 16. You will not need to re-do any of the paperwork you have already done.

Thanks! Cheryl

*screeching with rage and frustration*
posted by Jenny at 12:30 PM |

Things I am happy about:
+ We have a Christmas tree in our living room and the apartment smells heavenly!
+ I downloaded several new very fun and upbeat songs over the weekend.
+ My ten-page-paper is slowly nearing completion.
+ I only have one more paper, a six-pager, after I finish the other one.
+ All the snow that fell recently completely melted (yeah, yeah, I like white Christmases as much as the next person, I just despise scraping my car's windshield).
+ I get to go to sleep now. Goodnight!
posted by Jenny at 2:29 AM |

Just in case you needed any more proof of how much spelling and grammar checkers suck, try this on for size:

"Unlike the offline the computer, every Sim you meet in TSO is played by a real person, controls version of the game, where every character except your own."

What...the...heck?

In other news, my Geology exam yesterday went awesome and my professor kindly gave me an extension on my applied theory essay. Dr. Stacy Thompson, bless your soul.
posted by Jenny at 10:40 PM |

My own made-up Friday Five, how about next week's lineup?

Day 1, Monday.
Study abroad materials due...DONE

Day 2, Tuesday.
Ten-page research paper and submission letter due...DONE

Day 3, Wednesday.
Two-hour lab final in Geology (read: PANIC)...DONE
Group presentation in Geology...DONE

Day 4, Thursday.
Final in Jane Austen class...DONE, thank goodness, because this class SUCKS
Group presentation in tech writing...DONE

Day 5, Friday.
Six-page applied theory essay due

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
posted by Jenny at 1:21 AM |

A fifty-four on my first exam, a sixty-eight on the second. Yes, I'm skating into my Geology final with...

Eighty-nine percent. LOL!

Does this mean I've beaten the system finally? Or I'm just lucky? Er...don't answer that.
posted by Jenny at 3:56 PM |

From www.comingsoon.net:

Reuters reports that Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling has offered a tantalizing glimpse into the next installment of her wizard saga. But you will have to pay up to $9,500 for a clue to what might happen in the eagerly awaited Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

Rowling has provided a teaser 93 random words on a card that is up for auction next month at Sotheby's in London. The sale is for Book Aid International, which provides books for developing countries.

Sotheby's Wednesday offered a short sample of what the lucky winner will get on the autographed Rowling card.

"Thirty-eight chapters ... might change ... longest volume ... Ron ... broom ... sacked ... house-elf ... new teacher ... dies ... sorry," Rowling writes in a literary trailer certain to spark a fever of anticipation among her devoted readers. Fans will have to wait until the December 12 auction to bid for the rest of the plot outline.

Asked this week for an update on the fifth book's progress, a spokeswoman for Rowling said, "There is no further news. She is still busy writing. There is still no confirmed date for publication."

*cries*

What...total...crap. If I could fly to England and chain Rowling to her computer, I would do it. My grandchildren will have grandchildren of their own by the time she gets off her butt and finishes book seven. And she thinks this delay can be remedied by a teaser? Quit being ridiculous, quit wasting precious time writing lame words that vaguely apply to any of the HP stories, and JUST GIVE US THE DANG BOOK ALREADY!
posted by Jenny at 1:32 AM |

Today was a historic day...it was the first day in my entire life that I did not see my socks once. For the first time in my five foot nine life, I have pants that are long enough for me. Long enough = socks not showing. I grinned all day.

Oh, shut up laughing. All you shrimps griping about how your pants are always too long have no idea how much more annoying short pants are. At least you can fold yours up or alter them.
posted by Jenny at 12:48 AM |

Thought for the day, taken from Jan Karon's A Light in the Window.

"It's hard, this being in love."
"No doubt. Then again, it's hard not being in love."

Now that is profound, I think...and so completely true.
posted by Jenny at 1:10 PM |

OK, here it is, the belated thankfulness post. Hey, better late than never, that's what I always say.

I AM THANKFUL FOR...
...my parents, who are both alive and well and, although they no longer love each other, both love me fiercely.
...my little brother, who shares the joys and the burdens of being our parents' children, and who knows how to both make me laugh and drive me insane.
...my closest friends, who know my idiosyncrasies way too well and like me anyway.
...my paternal grandparents, who equal unconditional love and unmatchable humor.
...my living situation. I am warm, fed, clothed, comfortable, and provided for.
...my health, which has never been in serious jeopardy and which I often take for granted.
...my car. Although it tends to conk out every now and then, it eventually gets me where I need to go.
...education. Yeah, college can suck a lot of the time but, really, there's nowhere else I'd rather be.
...my computer and the other fabulous technology that has revolutionized my world and opened many a door.
...my book collection and love of reading, which provide distraction in an idle hour and consolation in a distessed one (I got that line from a book, naturally).
...my electric blanket and space heater that keep me thawed out in this frozen tundra.
...my hair color, which is very unique and therefore got me a lot of flack as a kid.
...my cell phone, which always makes me feel a little bit safer when I'm out and about.
...the Internet, which keeps me in touch with friends, gives me loads of laughs, and provides hundreds of idle pursuits daily.
...Coca-Cola Classic. Mmmmmmmm, refreshing.
...and I guess I could be thankful for the retainer that I'm forced to wear every night, as it keeps my teeth looking pretty.

More as I think of them.
posted by Jenny at 12:25 AM |